sagittaurius (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sagittaurius) wrote2011-05-19 05:21 am
sagittaurius) wrote2011-05-19 05:21 am
headcanon/interpretation/bluh bluh huge freak
-on being STRONG
Obviously, strength is something that Equius is all about, though he also considers it a great burden to bear. He is so strong that he literally can't touch other people without maiming or even killing them. Yet he's still on a quest to become stronger, but part of that is learning to be 'strong enough' to control himself. This is why he insists on drinking milk out of glass cups rather than something stronger, like metal. He gets so mad every time he shatters a glass because he considers it a failure. His hands are all scarred up from all the glass shards, which is why he always wears gloves now.
Obviously, strength is something that Equius is all about, though he also considers it a great burden to bear. He is so strong that he literally can't touch other people without maiming or even killing them. Yet he's still on a quest to become stronger, but part of that is learning to be 'strong enough' to control himself. This is why he insists on drinking milk out of glass cups rather than something stronger, like metal. He gets so mad every time he shatters a glass because he considers it a failure. His hands are all scarred up from all the glass shards, which is why he always wears gloves now.
It's also why he's so stoic all the time. If he can control his emotions better he'd have an easier time controlling his STRENGTH. The problem being, under that stoic facade he's a boiling pot ready to burst. He's not actually doing anything to help keep his emotions under control, he just shoves them down until either he explodes or Nepeta slowly needles them out.
-on being lonely
Equius is an extremely lonely person. He was a lot happier as a child, more freely emotional until his freakish STRENGTH got to a point where he likely was accidentally killing any animal or playmate he might have had. He could barely touch his super STRONG lusus without inflicting massive bruising. Add the hyperhidrosis on top of all that and it's no wonder people tend to steer clear of him. He clings to tradition and pride because thats really all he has.
Of course there's Nepeta, and if it wasn't for her he'd be a raging, violent monster. But he still can't touch her. He can't hold her hand or hug her. The most he can do is drape an arm over her, but he has to be so very careful all the time about not exerting any actual force. She's precious to him, and her safety is more important to him than his own. It's a constant fear in the back of his mind that he'll hurt her or worse, so he can never truly be relaxed around her. If she happened to fall asleep on him, he'd stay awake the whole time to make sure he didn't do something unfortunate while unconscious.
Which brings me to his robots. Since he mostly uses them for battle, he could make them look like anything he could imagine. Instead he makes them look like other trolls. In a way he was filling his life with people, he just had to build them to do it. Besides taking out his frustrations on them, we've seen that he talks to them. Not even in a pretend, roleplaying sort of way, but in a one-sided conversation sort of way.
-on being lonely
Equius is an extremely lonely person. He was a lot happier as a child, more freely emotional until his freakish STRENGTH got to a point where he likely was accidentally killing any animal or playmate he might have had. He could barely touch his super STRONG lusus without inflicting massive bruising. Add the hyperhidrosis on top of all that and it's no wonder people tend to steer clear of him. He clings to tradition and pride because thats really all he has.
Of course there's Nepeta, and if it wasn't for her he'd be a raging, violent monster. But he still can't touch her. He can't hold her hand or hug her. The most he can do is drape an arm over her, but he has to be so very careful all the time about not exerting any actual force. She's precious to him, and her safety is more important to him than his own. It's a constant fear in the back of his mind that he'll hurt her or worse, so he can never truly be relaxed around her. If she happened to fall asleep on him, he'd stay awake the whole time to make sure he didn't do something unfortunate while unconscious.
Which brings me to his robots. Since he mostly uses them for battle, he could make them look like anything he could imagine. Instead he makes them look like other trolls. In a way he was filling his life with people, he just had to build them to do it. Besides taking out his frustrations on them, we've seen that he talks to them. Not even in a pretend, roleplaying sort of way, but in a one-sided conversation sort of way.
It's something akin to the people who form relationships with real dolls, people who have either given up on relationships with living people, or don't feel they can ever find someone who'll love them back. The thing is with Equius, he did find someone he felt a connection to, but she was dead. Not only was she dead, she was a dead lowblood. Scandal upon scandals! So he did the only thing he could do. He built her a robot body that pumped blue blood like his own.
He talked to this robot the entire time he was building her, building this romance up in his head and going so far as to program it to love him. From the outside looking in, it's definitely extremely creepy and discomfort worthy. To him it was his one and only hope of having someone real that he could actually hold on to without needing to worry about his freakish strength, even if she was made of metal. She was supposed to be an end to that detachment he's had all his life. Things just didn't turn out as expected.